Dear HEB,

First let me say, that I have been a big fan of your grocery store since I first moved to Austin back in 1986. That’s a lot of years of me singing your praises, HEB. So, as a fan, let me express my extreme disappointment in this product:

My first reaction, as a woman, was that I enjoy all of the nuts in this mix. Did nature not intend for me to eat these nuts? Or, is it that this particular blend of nuts should be exclusively marketed towards men because its benefits only apply to them. If that’s the case, is there no blend of nuts that are exclusively beneficial for women? No Womanly Mix? Is it the colloquial use of the term “nuts” that excludes us from having our own mix?

Then, I thought to myself, perhaps I will gain some “manly” benefits by eating your “Manly Blend” of nuts – your man nuts, if you will.

I am sorry to report that after consuming an entire package of your masculine blend of nuts, I have experienced none of the manly benefits that one might expect. I provide you with just a sample of the benefits or privilege I failed to experience after eating your “Manly Blend”.

You see where I’m going with this, right, HEB? What it comes down to is that I, as a female customer, am pretty unhappy that you’ve created my favorite blend but then marketed them in a way that feels exclusionary to me. Perhaps your marketing department lacked imagination or inspiration by the time this particular blend meandered across their desk. If that is the case, let me offer some suggestions for the renaming:

I look forward to your response and hopefully a name change of my favorite blend of your nuts. Because currently, given the terrible lack of “manly” benefits, I’m #Notbuyingit.



Maya Pilgrim


LVO logo 002 (3)Written by Laura E. Zárate, Arte Sana Founding Executive Director

Texas has a long and proud history of victim advocacy and innovative program models that have been replicated across the nation. Texas is also among the leading states to formalize training programs for the promotor/a or community health worker who everyday helps connect residents in rural communities in particular, with vital health services. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 2010 Census, nearly 3.8 million people live in rural areas throughout Texas. Since 2001, over 50% of Arte Sana’s bilingual training and presentations on sexual assault issues have been offered along the Texas-Mexico border. Many of the Spanish language training attendees have been promotoras who work within rural areas and the colonias. According to the Texas Health and Human Services Commission, Office of Border Affairs, colonias are unincorporated communities that lack physical infrastructures such as running water, storm drainage, sewers and paved streets. There are more than 2,294 colonias along the Texas/Mexico border that are home to an estimated 500,000 Texans.

As a means to support and enhance existing victim services in Texas for Latinas who may not be aware of available services, Arte Sana submitted a grant application for a statewide Latina Victim Outreach Project in partnership with the following:

Texas Association Against Sexual Assault
Health and Human Services Commission – Office of Border Affairs, Laredo
The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston School of Public Health
Women Together / Mujeres Unidas

The primary goals of the Latina Victim Outreach (LVO) project are to enhance the accessibility of victim services for Spanish-speaking survivors of sexual and intimate partner violence, and to provide culturally and linguistically competent outreach tools to help upgrade bilingual victim advocate outreach efforts statewide with a particular focus on rural communities in Texas. The timeliness of the LVO project collaboration is underscored by the unique characteristics of our border state with 2,369,036 residents who only speak Spanish, and the fact that the rural population of Texas alone is greater than, or roughly equals the resident populations of 24 other individual states.

The LVO project will offer four levels of support via:
1. Training in English for victim advocacy groups, on addressing language and cultural issues that impact Latin@/Hispanic survivors.
2. Presentations and workshops in Spanish on sexual and intimate partner issues for youth, promotoras or community health workers, and allied professionals.
3. An online original materials development collaboration.
4. Shared victim assistance web content in Spanish for use by local agencies.

Among the exciting activities already scheduled for 2015, in collaboration with TAASA: the Promotor(a) Partners in Sexual Violence Prevention (bilingual workshop) to be offered at the TAASA conference and a webinar during SAAPM in Spanish on a topic to be determined by project partners. To participate in the project and be among the first to make a SAAPM workshop request, please complete this survey by December 30, 2014.

Please contact Laura Zárate at <> for more information.

Founded in 2001, and based in Texas, Arte Sana is the oldest national Latina-led agency aimed at eliminating barriers for Latin@ survivors of sexual violence, and engaging communities as partners in prevention.

This is a VAWA project funded by the Criminal Justice Division (CJD) of the Governor’s Office

More resources:




U.S. Census Bureau, American Community Survey 2010, 2012




It is difficult to argue with the facts. 90% of people who commit violent physical assault are men. Males perpetrate 95% of all serious domestic violence. 99.8% of the people in prison convicted of rape are men. 81% of men who beat their wives watched their fathers beat their mother or were abused themselves. Men are the problem, but they can also be the solution.

In 1991, in an effort to persuade men to speak out against violence against women, a small group of men in Canada decided to wear a white ribbon as a symbol of men’s opposition of violence against women. In the years following, this simple act turned into an international effort known as the White Ribbon Campaign. The White Ribbon Campaign begins each year on November 25th and ends on December 6th. These start and end dates of the campaign were chosen to commemorate the violent deaths of women at the hands of men.

November 25th, the first day of the White Ribbon Campaign, is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. It commemorates the lives of the Mirabal sisters, political activists who were repeatedly imprisoned and eventually violently assassinated in 1960 during the Trujillo dictatorship in the Dominican Republic because of their beliefs and outspokenness. Referred to as the “Unforgettable Butterflies,” they are considered to be martyrs in their native country of the Dominican Republic and have become symbols of the struggle against the victimization of women worldwide.

Because the campaign originated in Canada, December 6th, Canada’s National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women was chosen as the closing day of the campaign. On this day in 1989, Marc Lepin walked into L’Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal and separated the men from the women, ordering the men to leave. Claiming to be fighting against feminism, he then opened fire, shooting 27 women. Fourteen of these women died because of their gender and because they studied engineering, a traditionally male-dominated field of study.

According to the UN’s In-depth Study on All Forms of Violence against Women: Report of the Secretary-General 2006,

Violence against women persists in every country in the world as a pervasive violation of human rights and a major impediment to achieving gender equality. Such violence is unacceptable, whether perpetrated by the State and its agents or by family members or strangers, in the public or private sphere, in peacetime or in time of conflict…As long as violence against women continues, we cannot claim to be making real progress towards equality, development and peace. (UN Women, 9)*

One need only look at the dates that mark the campaign and the tragic events that occurred on those dates to understand the implications of this study. The Mirabal sisters were victims of an oppressive State and ultimately lost their lives because a man ordered their death. The fourteen engineering students died at the hands of a man who didn’t believe in female empowerment or equality. Each day since these events, women continue to be victimized, many by the very men who claim to love them.

In order to honor these women and to demonstrate that this type of violence is indeed unacceptable, men are asked to wear a white ribbon each day during the 12-day White Ribbon Campaign as both a personal and public pledge never to commit, condone, or remain silent about violence against women. It is a way for men to begin to take personal responsibility and to educate other men as they are questioned about the white ribbon on their lapels. It is a small step in building a movement of men who are committed to upholding this pledge every day of their lives. I challenge you to take the first step in joining this movement by making and wearing your own white ribbon, or by ordering one for yourself or all the boys and men in your family, school, workplace, church, or team. Do your part – wear the ribbon and make the pledge. Be a part of the solution rather than the problem and help to bring about the “real progress” described by the UN study.



Recently, Anheuser-Busch released a statement on their website regarding the off-the-field violence being perpetrated by some NFL players and regarding the underwhelming responses by the league. Here is what they had to say:
“We are disappointed and increasingly concerned by the recent incidents that have overshadowed this NFL season. We are not yet satisfied with the league’s handling of behaviors that so clearly go against our own company culture and moral code. We have shared our concerns and expectations with the league.”

This is a not-so-thinly veiled attempt to remind the NFL of the millions in advertising and sponsorship money that Anheuser-Busch pays to have their brands associated. A bad name for the NFL is also a bad name for Budweiser and all of their other beer brands. While I am very much against “big beer” for myriad reasons, I gladly raise a glass to them for taking such a bold stance here. Cheers, mates!

Yet I can’t help but question the part of their statement where they refer to their own “moral code”. It seems hypocritical that they would look down their noses at the NFL for not taking a strong enough stance on violence against women while they have a history of encouraging that same violence against women via sexist advertising. Take a look at these gems:



Sexualization and objectification devalues women. When we see a person as “less than” it is much easier to treat them as such. We are bombarded every day with such representations of women. Is any wonder why some men feel they can treat women as objects? I am not excusing these men as they are ultimately responsible for the choices they make, but if we would, as a society, stop portraying women in this way, it would go a long way toward preventing the sexual violence that women experience on a regular basis.

So Anheuser-Busch – if you actually want to see a decrease in the amount of violence perpetrated against women in our world, you can start by eliminating sexist advertising practices that relegate women to objects for the gratification of men. Given your track record I am not too optimistic that things will change on your end. Perhaps my glass is half empty, but I am thinking it is not as empty as your “moral code” when it comes to women’s bodies. I hope I am wrong about that.


racismFirst let me acknowledge that I don’t know if I am writing this blog for myself, my family and friends, or for people in general. I do know some people will see this title and not bring themselves to read it. The recent shooting of an unarmed black teen by a police officer in Ferguson Missouri and both the peaceful and the volatile aftermath of that shooting has impacted me. What did or didn’t happen in this particular case isn’t my point, other than being a catalyst for my own self-reflection.
Two things come to my mind about the general reaction of many white people to this case, any talk of racism immediately generates defensiveness or denial and entertaining the possibility that there are indeed some bad cops brings a very different reaction than discussing bad dentists, contractors, or parents. It seems to me that we can discuss “bad apples” in other professions without making strong and explicit caveats that “not all dentists are bad”; that is assumed.
I’ve also noticed that we white folks are uncomfortable discussing racism without adamantly pointing out that we aren’t racists. Well, some of us are and for the rest of us we do have the potential of having racist views, opinions, or thoughts. What helps me put it in perspective is comparing the words “racist” and “liar.” I can freely admit that I have lied and will likely lie again in the future but I don’t define myself as a “liar.” I also don’t consider myself a racist but I somewhat more reluctantly admit I have racist thoughts.
When I’ve tried to have this conversation with white friends I am generally met with reassurances of “it being understandable, that I’m not a bad person, that I’m not a racist.” But I don’t need or want people to make that ok for me. I know I am a good, albeit flawed, person however I need to examine my biases so I don’t someday rationalize acting on those biases. I need to learn from, grow and always strive to be a better, more caring human being.
People who know me might assume that after 32 years of being happily married to a black man and raising 4 black children into incredible adults that I don’t have racist thoughts about black folks but they would be wrong. Racist attitudes are deeply ingrained in our culture and I am not immune to racist thoughts or beliefs. In order to take this out of the relatively safe theoretical framework I want to share a personal story that isn’t easy for me to admit to myself let alone others.
A year or so ago I was in a fender bender in Austin and I was the driver at fault. Both cars drove to a nearby parking lot to get off the road. While driving I noticed the California plates. I get out of my car a little shook up but mainly feeling guilty and remorseful because I was clearly at fault. The driver from the other car parks at the far end of the crowded parking lot and I see a tall, young black man in sagging basketball shorts get out of his car and start jogging towards me. My immediate reaction was fear- an instantaneous “Oh shit, what is about to happen?” I became aware that he was shouting out something and as he got closer I heard “M’am didn’t you see me? Are you alright?” He was patient, respectful, and caring. The fact that surprised me says something about me. The fact that I must admit I wouldn’t have initially been as fearful if a white man got out of that car says something about me.
Self-reflection can be painful but not doing it does add to a culture that allows big and small “Ferguson” moments across this country. I am clearly a work in progress and I am determined to learn about the experiences of others without making it about me and avoiding the tendency to indulge in child-like reactions like “they do bad things too.” My parents didn’t let me deflect my own behavior/words with that excuse in my childhood and I certainly can’t let myself off the hook with that reasoning now.
photo credit: lulazzo [non vede, non sente, non parla] via photopin cc


A catchy song fills my car almost every time I’m in it.  One of hope which quickly turns to defiance as a young man asks an “old-fashioned” father “to have his daughter for the rest of his life” and is rudely informed that dear dad won’t give his blessing “until the day [he] dies”.

It’s a song that inspired one father’s now viral response.

I have a couple of problems with both these songs… well, 5 actually.

1. Women can speak for themselves.  And they do.  All you have to do is shut up and listen.

2. Women now get to decide their own destinies.  Having raised our legal standing a couple notches up from chattel, we’re not [nor have we ever been] helpless, delicate creatures whose fragile virtues are to be strictly guarded as we are passed from man to man for protection for the entire duration of our lives.  We are beings deserving of love and support as we navigate relationships and life’s windy and twisty roads.

3. Drivers of fancy cars can be bad news, too. Got a problem with his Pinto? Well, if you’re thinking the maker of car you drive is an indicator of a good person, guess again.  The exciting news is that your daughter is capable of working and earning money and buying whatever car she thinks best suits her needs.

4. I hear you don’t like his job, but wouldn’t it be great if anyone who worked full-time made a living wage?  Poor shaming really isn’t cool.  Low-wage earners face serious traps that keep them from escaping low-wage employment. Living out of mom’s basement has become a rising strategy among young people with rising college debt and a brutal job market. Luckily, as mentioned above, daughters are capable of working and earning money as well.  Too bad she won’t make as much as she would doing the same job if she were a manThat should make you much angrier than her fiancé flipping burgers.

5. Do you really think that going to prison for killing your daughter’s fiancé to prove your dominance over your daughter is an act of love?  Doesn’t sound very Christian to me.  Besides that, you’d basically be removing two men in her life she loves.  That’s not very loving at all, I’d say.

So, Mr. Cowart, consider instead this father’s lead instead.

Source: kristinespeare

Source: kristinespeare











And Magic!, don’t ask questions about the love of your life as if she’s property.  She’s most definitely not.



A Mom.


border2Illegal Immigration Crisis, Humanitarian Crisis, Refugee Crisis? All may be true but how we frame this will largely determine how we chose to address this crisis. What we can all agree on is more than 60,000 unaccompanied minors have crossed the border into the United States from Central America in the past 12 months. This number has been swelling dramatically in the past couple of years. Most of these children are coming into the US through the Rio Grande Valley in South Texas. Everyone also seems to acknowledge that our current system is ill-prepared and ill-equipped to handle this influx of children on so many levels.
I am once again disappointed that an issue that clearly needs bi-partisan leadership to work on solutions has largely degraded into the typical blame game. When will the citizens of this state and this country tire of this tactic? The President is being blamed for his slow response to the crisis by some and for even following current law by others. Both parties are criticizing each other for the lack of immigration reform. I’ve seen criticism for ICE, Department of Justice, and Congress. Political pundits and infotainment superstars are working overtime pointing fingers and spinning the topic to suit their agendas. Meanwhile, scores of children’s lives are in the balance.
We can grouse about the price tag, poor leadership, border security, negligent oversight, and dozens of other things but at some point we need to discuss the experiences of these individual children. My hope is our elected leaders will get to the root of this crisis through thoughtful analysis rather than kick the can down the road. A long-term solution is likely to include humanitarian aid, stepped up border security, policy changes domestically and internationally, appropriating adequate resources, and a number of other steps, but in the meantime, what about the children?
Most of these children have been terrorized and many have experienced horrific abuse. Some have been sexually abused in their home country, others have been sexually abused in transit, and tragically, still others have been sexually victimized once they are in custody in the United States. This is unacceptable in the lives of any children! The profound trauma experienced by these children must be handled in the most professional and compassionate way possible. So while many Americans may support an expedited process for getting these children through the system I don’t believe that includes shortcuts on due process and moving at speeds that ignore all realities they may have endured in their young lives.
I know the solutions for this situation are complicated, expensive, and likely divisive but I am willing to swallow a hard dose of “bottom-line”, “compromise”, and “hard choices”, but I want to be certain that my elected leaders are truly tempering all of their proposals with old-fashioned “humanity.” As Americans, as voters, as decent human beings, we need to keep a close watch on this tragedy, demand accountability by our elected leaders, as well as find out how we can individually assist in the interim. Churches, rape crisis centers, online appeals, pro bono attorneys….there are folks working on this problem so find them and help them….volunteer, write a check, start a letter writing campaign to our legislators, etc. Let’s mobilize!!
To see TAASA’s talking points on the issue click here.

photo credit: peter barwick via photopin cc


ACTMThe TAASA Mobilizing Men’s Task Force would like to celebrate the fathers and father figures in Texas, especially those who embody the values of strength, character, and courage in their daily lives.


We celebrate fathers, step-dads, and all father figures who promote respect and harmony in their families and demonstrate great love for their children.

We celebrate fathers who actively engage in raising children and who do their share of family chores, showing by example that it takes everybody’s hard work to make a home.


We celebrate fathers who love and respect their partners and work honestly to maintain equality in their relationship.

We celebrate fathers who encourage their children to feel good about themselves and who promote understanding and respect between all youth, regardless of their gender.

We celebrate fathers who place their children’s need for love, safety, and support first, whether they live with them each day or some days.


We celebrate fathers who make the difficult choices involved in balancing family and career, ensuring they make time for their children.

We celebrate fathers who challenge prejudice that demeans not just their sons and daughters but for everyone else, too.

We celebrate fathers who advance the idea that peace and harmony in the home are preconditions for peace and harmony in the world.

Each of these principles, when put into practice on a continuous basis by both fathers and father figures, help to prevent sexual violence. This Father’s Day, we want to celebrate fathers who are cultivating nonviolence in their homes, but we also challenge them to look beyond their homes in order to promote peace in their communities by taking a stand against sexual violence with a public pledge.

The pledge reads as follows:

Alongside millions of Texas dads and father figures, I pledge that I will not be silent about, commit, or condone sexual violence. I pledge that I will teach my children about healthy, nonviolent relationships, and that I will act to make a difference in my home and community.

We wish all fathers and father figures in Texas a Happy Father’s Day and encourage them to commit to living out this pledge.


About this time last year, I went to see my son’s 3rd grade school performance. It was the musical story of two children that explored their grandparents’ attic and discovered a trunk filled with old costumes, props, and accessories. It turns out that their grandparents were former Broadway performers. Each item that was pulled from the trunk sparked a quasi-flashback musical number. My son was featured in a little song and dance called “My Top Hat and Classy Cane”. It was about how much people admire and desire you when you wear a top hat and classy cane. It was a little icky, but that was mostly camouflaged by seeing 20 or so boys valiantly attempting to master the Box Step while singing. They did a great job.

Feather_Boa__pfwhitecbmbluA little later in the show it was the girl’s turn. From the trunk came a hot pink feather boa and from the speakers came something out of an ole time burlesque show (ba-da-da-da-da…). A crew of twenty 3rd grade girls, wrapped in feather boas, poured onto the stage and began singing and dancing to “There’s Nothing Like Feather Boa to Get Your Point Across”. This risqué little number, according to the lyrics, puts “the spice in your pasta sauce”. The girls were shimmying and shaking and singing about how to use their sexuality to get what they want. My jaw dropped in disbelief and I had a few moments of tunnel vision. I was snapped back to reality when members of the audience (mostly parents and other family members of the performers – particularly the men), all over the room, began whistling and cat-calling at the girls on stage. I was sickened, horrified, and felt extremely uncomfortable.

When the number was over, the audience cheered wildly – much louder than they did for the boys. In the midst of the whistles and applause my horror began shifting toward anger. Mild mannered Ted Rutherford was channeling Feminist Hulk, it seems. My rage-green eyes were scanning the room in search of the teacher or the principal or whoever thought this was a “good idea”. As I scanned the faces of the people in the room, I saw only smiles and happiness and elation. Nobody else had veins bulging from their temples. Nobody was turning green. Nobody was speaking in short, choppy sentences or referring to themselves in 3rd person. Hulk alone in anger. Hulk start to second guess Hulk’s feelings. Hulk afraid Hulk’s overreacting.

HulkEyesI went home without smashing anything or confronting anyone and decided to let it marinate overnight. The next morning I was still green-eyed and angry-tailed so I crafted an email to the principal and the teacher to express my concerns over the show. I explained that sexualizing girls is extremely problematic because, in part, it teaches them (and boys) that a girl’s power and value is attached to and limited to her sexuality. I went on to say that teaching girls to use their sexuality for power simultaneously puts a target on their sexuality and their bodies for those who seek to take their power. I even pointed out that sexually objectifying girls in this particular way reinforces the misguided notion that women’s and girl’s function in our world is in sexual service of men. The cat calls and whistles from the “gents” in the audience were proof of that. After informing them that 1 in 4 women in Texas experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime and that, according to RAINN, 15% of rape survivors are under the age of 12, I asked them to be more thoughtful and conscious when selecting future shows.

Fast-forward approximately one year to my son’s 4th grade performance, “Night at the Wax Museum”, that took place earlier this week. This show was set, as you can probably guess, in a wax museum where wax statues of historical figures come to life every night. My son gave a Tony Award worthy performance as Thomas Edison (not biased at all). Other characters included Jackie Robinson, Albert Einstein, and Coco Chanel to name a few. Each character had a moment in the spotlight to tell the audience a little about themselves and their lives. Coco Chanel was the first female historical figure to speak. As she spoke about high fashion and sprayed her Chanel #5 on her neck from a crystal bottle, my heart began to sink. I was afraid the rest of the female characters that were in the show were going to reinforce narrow stereotypes about women and ignore their extensive historical contributions. The tunnel vision began to creep in just as it did the year before. I could hear girl’s voices from just offstage chanting something, but I couldn’t make it out at first. Then a quartet of girls came marching boldly onto the stage carrying protest signs and their chant instantly became as clear as Coco’s perfume bottle – RIOTS NOT DIETS…RIOTS NOT DIETS…RIOTS NOT DIETS. There, standing before me, was Susan B. Anthony, Jane Goodall, Rosa Parks, and Dorothea Lange. Under the lights the girls proudly rattled off their character’s accomplishments from the women’s suffrage movement to the civil rights movement. It was a glorious 5 minutes of social justice-y, feminist redemption. The girls resumed their RIOTS NOT DIETS chant as they exited the stage to cheers from the audience. Hulk smile. Tiny stream of water came from Hulk’s eye.

RosaParksQuoteI have no way of knowing if my decision to challenge the school, to make better choices when it comes to these performances, produced this outcome. I also have no assurances that future shows will feature roles that are empowering for girls and that break with convention when it comes to gender stereotypes in general. I suspect there will continue to be a learning curve with a few missteps along the way. What I do know is what Rosa Parks taught me about taking action when she said, “You must never be fearful about what you are doing when it is right.” I am glad I didn’t remain silent just because the other parents didn’t seem to be bothered by what they were watching last year. What a difference a year makes.


TRIGGER ALERT: Discusses scenes of sexual violence as they happen on Game of Thrones
SPOILER ALERT: Discusses up to Season 4 Episode 5, “First of His Name”

Game of Thrones is one of my guilty pleasures.  Now I’m beginning to wonder if I’m feeling more guilt than pleasure. This inner battle has waxed and waned over the four seasons but it’s recently become more pressing and it seems as though the guilt side is winning.  And it’s not for the scene (you know, of Cersei and Jaime in the Sept of Baelor) that many people were upset about from the “Breaker of Chains” episode.  Instead, this scene had only the slightest mentions and analysis from the torrent of recaps and episode analysis that come out from the entertainment blogosphere the Monday after a show.  Perhaps that was what alarmed me most.

Can you trust this person

Source: @booktopia

There’s been no shortage of analysis and opinions published about Game of Thrones and its depiction of women in the highly patriarchal and violent medieval fantasy world of Westoros.  Compared of other hugely successful works of fantasy (Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek come to mind) there is undoubtedly a much richer variety in female characters that more than pass the Bechdel Test.  See the chart for a sample of the “GOT is Feminist” and “GOT is Not Feminist” camps.  The writer of the series, George R. R. Martin, has donned the label “feminist” and is lauded for his development of highly complex female characters.  Nonetheless, in the hyper-masculine world of Westoros, “All men must die”, no one can be trusted (see image), and just about every female character has been threatened with or experienced sexual violence.

I came to the series late, resistant to watch it after the consistent reports of the show’s “rapey-ness” and critical of HBO’s use of sexposition.   I had been very intentionally avoiding shows and movies with rape scenes.  I was influenced by a passage written  by Inga Muscio who, after pointing out that one out of eight movies produced in the US contain a rape scene, argued “In American cinema, rape scenes tend to be violently eroticized, and often have nothing to do with the main plot of the film.  When viewing a rape scene, scads of men [I wouldn’t exclude women here] feel confused and disgusted with themselves if it turns them on.” This brings me to the scene where I questioned why I continued to watch the show.

The scene was a relatively short scene in “The Oathkeeper” episode. Above The Wall, the Night’s Watch mutineers have turned a homestead called “Craster’s Keep” into a rape camp.  Craster, him had lived there with his 19 “wives”, many of whom were his daughters before he was killed during the mutiny.  The scene contained a very graphic representation of the continuous raping of very minor characters, Craster’s “wives”, as the character Karl lets the audience know what a complete and total scumbag he is.  I’ve spent the better part of a week trying to dissect the scene and my reaction.  Why this scene?  Why not the Dothraki raping/pillaging scene?  Why not the prostitute forced to beat another scene?  The possibilities of where I might have had my fill are endless.  But this stuck out. During this scene, I put Game of Thrones on notice.

Myles McNutt, coiner of the term “sexposition” interpreted the scene very differently.  I’m grateful for his viewpoint which was far more nuanced than other write-ups, which glossed over the scene or referred to the women being abused as concubines. He argues that cutting to an abused, silent character is evidence of the show’s interest to “highlight and acknowledge the atrocities being committed against them.”  He called it a “small moment of refuge from a space that otherwise dwells on violence against women, and female nudity that is consistent with the show’s modus operandi.”  For that pit in my stomach, however, it was not refuge enough.  Alison Herman argues that the sexism and cruelty are not without purpose and that Martin “created dozens of female characters who struggle with what it means to survive in that world in ways that render them three-dimensional and tremendously empathetic.” A valid argument, but not what happened in this scene.

My gut reaction as I watched the bare women’s bodies used as a backdrop for violence was that the scene was far too eroticized without the opportunity for viewers to care enough about the characters.  During that scene, for about 5 seconds, I had a hard time distinguishing it from violent porn.  The visible bruises on the bodies were enough; the cries of “no” in the background were enough; the fearful women clutching at what was left of their clothes were enough.  A short cut to a face was not enough for me to cancel out the exposed and abused.  The scene could be a critique on violent masculinity, even as it revels in it.  But must it revel in it?  Can it revel in it and still be a critique?  These are all answers I don’t know, but am doubtful.  As we work against the various ways violence manifests in our lives, to what degree do we allow it to manifest in our entertainment?  How much of my politics am I willing to suspend for a TV show?

Remembering why I avoided the series in the first place, I visited Muscio’s website and immediately landed on an entry titled “The Girl Who Didn’t Watch Rape Scenes.”  In it she weighs her own reactions to “The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo” series and the sexual violence portrayed.  She concludes that the rape was important to the development of entire series and to the drive and persona of the character.  It’s a hard line to walk.  There’s our Read more


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